Familiar Pain
by zarabithia
Summary: Adora's POV - she longs after someone she can never have


Dear Brother

By Samantha Quinn

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters found herein.  

Codes: Adam/Adora.  Angst., romance

Rating: R.  This contains adult themes.  Please be advised.  It isn't for children.

Summary:  Sequel to "Sometimes I Forget."  Adora's thoughts.  

This story is for Star3, because you asked for it.  

~~~~~~~~~~

Adam visited Etheria today.  Mother and Father are having some type of celebration for us in three weeks, and I'm afraid to admit that my Horde upbringing did not include the proper way to eat the type of meal found in an Eternian palace.  Adam was here to do his brotherly duty by teaching me proper dinner etiquette.  One thing's for sure – we must have looked pretty silly sitting there on the floor of Whispering Woods with eighteen pieces of silverware spread around us.  Eighteen! How ridiculous.  Who needs so much? Especially when there are people on Etheria that don't even have one piece of silverware? 

But as ridiculous as it was, I enjoyed his visit immensely, as I always do.  Adam is a kind, loving man who is good to his very core.  I don't suspect that he's ever had an unkind thought or done an un-virtuous deed.  That only makes me feel more guilty about the evil I *have* done.  Adam knows this, I think, because he continually tries to make me feel less guilty about what I've done in the past.  He accepts me, unconditionally, and whole heartedly.  

He's the only one that really and truly does.  Most of the rebellion follows me, and has some degree of trust.  But every now and again, when I'm giving orders, someone – last week it was Bow, the week before it was Glimmer – will question them.  When they do, I can see the unasked question in their eyes – the "Should we really trust you?"   I try to keep the majority of my activities with the Horde a secret, and it mostly lies hidden, unspoken.  But when it does come up, the people I left my family to free look at me with such distrust and distaste that it's all I can do not to run back to Eternia.  

To my family.  Oh, how I rejoiced upon meeting them.  But they too were horrified by my activities in the Horde. I saw it on all of their faces – Mother's, Father's, Man-at-Arms, Teela's. . . Teela to this day doesn't quite trust me.  

But the disgust and horror that I have seen on so  many people's faces, including my own parent's, is completely absence when I look at my dear brother.  Adam's face is full of open love.  It's funny.  Of all the people that could hold my past against me, it's him.  My service to the Horde nearly got him killed.  But he forgave me, effortlessly.   In the beginning, when the Sorceress told us that we were twins, his immediate reaction was to hug me. 

His hugs mean something different now.  To both of us. 

He honestly thinks I don't know.  Doesn't he realize that when we ride together, I can feel his want swelling underneath of me? Doesn't he realize that I so desperately love him that I see where his gaze when it lingers just a little too long on my breasts?  Can't he know that I feel it when his hand accidentally slips lower than it should?  Yes, he jerks it away once he realizes it, but when a touch is born out of such *want,* well, the person connected to the hand can hardly be faulted, now can they? 

It's wrong, of course.  So horribly, horribly wrong.  But what's worse is how badly I want him back.  And want him I do.  I didn't realize how much until today.  I was crouched there, beside him, breathing in his scent and realized that no other smell in all of Etheria or Eternia smells as sweet.  As we sat there, his gentle hands brushed against mine  . . . and I didn't want them to stop brushing.  

Damnit, why is this so wrong? Why is wrong for two people who love each other so much – and really and completely, not just because the other is a hero – to be together? Oh, yes, because he's my brother.  But he's a brother I never grew up with.  

Of all the things I hate the Horde for, I hate them for this the most.  By taking me away, they robbed me of the chance to develop a sisterly affection for Adam.  Because that affection never developed, a different one did in it's place. 

"Adora? Are you ready to go?" Turning, I discover Adam in the entrance to the stall.  

"Sure. Spirit's ready, aren't you, boy?"  I give the horse an affectionate pat and mount him.  Adam climbs up behind me, and I suppress the moan that wants to exit.  He's so perfect, and I can never have him.  

As we turn to leave for the portal that will take Adam back to Eternia, I lean a little closer into Adam than I really should and hope that on the way we have an opportunity to change into our alter egos.  After all, technically speaking, Adam and Adora are twins, but He-man and She-Ra aren't. . . necessarily.  

She-Ra.  Her powers are the reason I remain on the planet. With them, I hope to free the people of Etheria from the pain I helped inflict on them.  It's funny.  Being She-Ra keeps me away from Adam, yet it's only while I am She-Ra that I can feel what I feel for Adam without the guilt that accompanies my affection. 

"You were a good student," Adam whispers in my ear. 

I suppress the shiver his voice stirs.  "I had a pretty excellent teacher." I don't tell him how much I want him to teach me other things.  Things no brother should ever    teach a sister.  

When we arrive, I watch him walk through the portal that will take him to Greyskull.  It will be three weeks before we see each other again.  As Spirit and I head back to the woods, I marvel at how I can hate the distance between our planets so much, yet simultaneously be so grateful for it. 

~~

The End. 


End file.
